Marbella to Humour Shine On

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Q: What's the best way to give a man a nervous breakdown?
A: Put a naked blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.

Q: What is the difference between men and women:....
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need...A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals".

Q: Why are men with pierced ears better prepared for marriage.
A: They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Q: What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday.
A: Forget it once.


Three beggers. From Andrew.
Three beggars, begging in New York City, each with a small cup in his hand.
The first begger wrote "beg" on his broken steel cup and he received ten dollars after one day.
The second one wrote "beg.com" on his cup and after one day received hundreds of thousand dollars. Someone even wanted to take him to NASDAQ.
The third one wrote "ebeg" on his cup. Both IBM and HP sent vice-presidents to talk to him about a strategic alliance and offered him free Hardware and professional consulting while Larry Ellison claimed on CNBC that ebeg uses 95% Oracle technology and i2 announced beg TradeMatrix a b2b industry portal to offer supply chain integration in the beggar community.


Beer test. From Global.
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.
It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologise when wrong.
No further testing is planned.


A man and his dog. From Nigel.
Tom was on the side of the road in Marbella watching a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was following another long black hearse and about 50 feet behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind him were 200 men walking in single file.
Tom couldn't stand his curiosity so he respectfully approached the man walking the dog and asked,
"Sir, I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The man replied "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."
"What happened to her?" Tom asked.
The man replied "My dog bit her and she died."
"Who is in the second hearse?"
"My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when my dog turned and bit her and she died." Said the man.
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between Tom and the man. Then Tom asked,
"Sir, could I borrow your dog?"
He replied, "Get in line".


The Marbella Lawyer. From Alister.
A man calls a lawyer and asks: "How much would you charge me to answer three questions?"
Lawyer: "Four hundred dollars."
Man: "That's a lot of money isn't it?"
Lawyer: "I guess so. What's your third question?"


Old Geezers. From Chris.
A sixty year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him,
"You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. In fact, you might live forever; you have the body of a thirty-five year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The man responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he, and is he very active?"
The man responded, "Well, he's eighty-two years old, and he still goes skiing three times a year and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The man responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished! You mean to tell me that you're sixty years old, and both your father and your grandfather are still alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The man responded, "He goes skiing at least once a year and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that, but my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he's getting married again."
The doctor said, "At 106 years, why the heck would your grandfather want to get married?"
The man responded, "Did I say he wanted to?"

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Real billboards. From Ger.

Joy to those who find fun and hope for those who don't.