Marbella to Humour Uncle Bob

The Moral of the Story. From B-Diamond.
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get your parents to tell you a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the children came back and one by one told their stories.

Katy began by saying, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One day we were taking our eggs to market in basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess"

"And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" replied Katy.
"Very good," said the teacher. "Lucy, now you."

Lucy got up and said, "Our family are farmers too but we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time and when they hatched only five chicks were alive. And the moral of this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched."

"That was a fine moral story Lucy. Johnny do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am, my daddy told me this story about my Uncle Bob. Uncle Bob was a pilot in Vietnam and his plane got hit. He had to bail out over enemy territory and all he had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and machete.

He drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then he landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. He killed seventy of them with the machine gun until he ran out of bullets, then he killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke and then he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't F*** with Uncle Bob when he's been drinking."

A Man's Brain

Men Cats and Dogs. From Nik.
How Dogs and Men Are the Same
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning
3. Both mark their territory
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches
7. Neither does any dishes
8. Both fart shamelessly
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut
10. Both like dominance games
11. Both are suspicious of the postman
12. Neither understands what you see in cats

How Dogs Are Better Than Men
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out
6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never
laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog
8. Dogs are easy to buy for
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK,
really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but
there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to
you).
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you

How Real Men Bathe Cats
1. Scrub toilet and flush several times.(You may consider this step optional.)
2. Fill toilet with warm water and add a squirt of pet shampoo.
3. Drop cat in toilet and slam lid shut.
4. Sit on lid. Cat's efforts to free itself will generate a good deal of sudsing and washing motions.
5. Flush toilet a couple of times to rinse the cat. NOTE: Hold securly to leash attached to cat in toilet.
6. Leap off toilet seat, dash out the door, and slam it shut securly, because kitty will erupt from the bowl as if jet propelled.
7. Leave kitty to sulk and dry himself.
8. Bask in self-congratulatory haze.

Looking for a Girlfriend
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I need a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and flirted with everyone she met. She made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 40 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.

Wonone was a race horse and Wontwo was one too.
Wonone won one race and Wontwo won one too.

Watch, they might ever be with us.
They will make Tamagotchi look like big beeping eggs and mobile phones look like black luggageless bag handles.

"You watch, me Ernest", thought Ernest.	This particular model is from
	Satisfaction is very much guaranteed. Providing answers to questions like, "What colour is underwater?" or "Is that you Jimmy?" will be childsplay for your 24 hour Pal. It is water resistant to 300m, has satelite tracking, is kinetically charged, head up display and has over 1000 (ai) personalities to choose from.
	your pleasure will arrive! Being lost or bored will never be the same again.

Marbella to Uncle Bob. Have a laugh and send virtual postcards from Marbella to humour your friends.