Marbella to Humour Time

Now we bring you Marbella Time.
You can share in this momentous discovery for one whole hour by watching the seconds and minutes slip by on your left.
Refresh the page to restart the clock.

How to cook a big chook by Yug.
Step 1: Go buy a turkey from a shop in Marbella.
Step 2: Take a drink of whisky or Jack Daniels.
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven.
Step 4: Take another two drinks of whisky.
Step 5: Set the degrees at 375 ovens.
Step 6: Take three more whiskys of the drink.
Step 7: Turn oven the on.
Step 8: Take four whisks of drinky.
Step 9: Turk the bastey.
Step 10: Whisky another bottle of get.
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whisky.
Step 13: Bake the whisky for four hours.
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey.
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey.
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off the pick.
Step 17: Turk the carvey.
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch.
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Mental Health.
A transcript of the new answering service
recently installed at the Mental Health Institute .....

"Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1, repeatedly...
If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you...
If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6...
If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and want what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call...
If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Mother Ship...
If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press...
If you are Manicly-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press...no-one will answer...
If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696...
If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line...
If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names...
If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000...
If you have Bi-polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep...
If you have Short-Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later...

USA vs Canada From Fred
Transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
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Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call...

Marbella to Time. Have a laugh and send virtual postcards from Marbella to humour your friends.